[Aegis] MY DATE. LUCENTS FEAR POSTED.

Anonymous and Beast requested this... rofl. Don't blame me.


[PREWARNING]: THIS STORY IS NOT FOR THE FAINT AT HEART. THIS IS NOT A NICE SOFT CUDDLY CARE-BEAR STORY.

[PREWARNING]: DON'T READ THIS IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH. THIS IS NOT A CARE-BEAR STORY.


[PREWARNING]: DON'T READ IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE BLUNT TRUTH AND PWNAGE.


[PREWARNING]: DON'T READ IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT.


[DISCLAIMER]: I take ZERO responsibility for whatever happens to you/you do if you read this. You are reading it 100% by choice. Vomiting, erection, orgasm, laughter and other things may happen. I take zero responsibility for anything that happens.


This is the worst “date” I ever had. You've been warned o.o;


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Mmmk so the story. The worst date I ever, did, to someone. (Mind you I have many less-horrible stories that I've done that are equally lulsy <3)


I am, irl, pretty hesitant to get into relationships. I joke around and take the piss a lot, but I'd rather skewer myself with a sword than to be even touched by most people(99.99988347284724%). That... is true =p lol. And prolly true of ANYONE mindyou lol.


Background info on the guy: Artsmajor at the time , pretty good looking actually... and I am bein legit. But he was a gangly little thing... which is an immediate turn off for me so I'd definitely rather rip off my clothes in winter and jump into a bed of swords than let him near me. And to top it all off, his conversation topics were about as thrilling as “durr I went to the bar last ngiht and got hammered”. “Grats, I don't drink <3”




So a few years back there was this guy who was more than JUST obsessed with me... and let me describe some things he did:


-Hacked into my FB account to add me as a friend (“Woah... when did I add this guy. Wait, who?”) (One reason I stopped using the program perminently. Fine, website for all you nitpickers.)


-Stalked me even in different lectures that he was obviously not in. (lol arts majors in those classes stood out BAD).

That isn't even mentioning how awesome it was trying to focus on lecture when you had this guy breathing down your neck. I swore I felt the hairs on my neck bend and move. -.-'


-Stalked me outside of campus as in he'd randomly show up when I went out shopping. Coincidence is fine, but running up to me right when I walk into West Ed... like 20 times... no. Statistically improbable rofl.


-He annoyed my friends by getting to know them and connstantly perckering them for information... CONSTANTLY. I saw a few of the convo's... I was like... wow... creepy.




-I'd randoml;y receive text messages and mindyou I ain't rich so I dopn't have a godphone that tells me who is who... so I got texts from some random number... saying “hey babe, how ya doing” okay... never that line, but pretty damn close.


-I was asked out to “just go to a movie” at a shady part of the city I'd rather NEVER go to... I was constnatly harassed to date.




So this one time, which I tried to habituate too..., but didn't. He confronts me and is like “wanna go on a date!”

This time? This time... evil Aegis mode kicks in.


And Evil Aegis mode is... pretty.... normal. I am naturally a very cynical, nasty person :< qq


I accept !And go with him to some coffee place (Think it was Tim Hortons(idk if they have them down in the states... its essentially a “canadian cofee shop” which really isnt canadian but... w/e!).) and he is litterally bouncing up and down.


But the entier time he creeped me, he CONSTANTLY threw sexual cues... sometimes they were as subtle as being hit upside the head by a … STEAMROLLER. x_x; And he always made comments about how sexy I was, etc. How he wanted to screw me until I bleed, etc. Kind of creepy? (I'll answer that: I was CREEPED THE FCK OUT.)




So he litterally went and ordered from the lady a bunch of stuff (and was a snob about it. If you know me I hate snobs. I hate it soooooo bad.) and he said he'd pay.... being who I am at the time I already had much physiology knowledge in my toolkit for luls and fun.... ;3 (Even more now mindyou. ROFL.)


So I asked him to order moreand more for me. And this is a pretty importaint point I am makinmg there.... MORE. I stuffed myself full. Like crammed as much garbage down my throat as possible.


;3


So, actually, when I told him I wanted more he actually put his arm onto my back and felt my ass and slapped my thigh as I sat down... at that point I was sure. I was going to pwn him -.-




So, as I expected, I'm insanely good at predicting people... he, soon, after 50$ worth of trash doughnuts and etc asked me to go home with him.


I. Accepted. Lol!


So he took me home to this rather grubby apartment. And I am not a snob or anything, but if you want to impress... please do take your rather distasteful t-shirts off the floor? I'd rather not see that, thankyou.


So... people who know me know I AM a bottom... and if you know anything about gay sex you know about the importance of loosening up. Essentially I've honestly never seen a person freaking leap onto the ground and lay down so fast in my life, then again, I never even considered doing that before... ever. (Rimming.)


So, I well....


Ok lets be blunt because I hate beating aroundthe bush xD!


I sat down on his face and he tried to lick (or well did, and I still get shiveers) and then....


THIS is where self-stuffing is importaint! Physiology 100 lesson for those who didn't take it. The enteric nervous system that controls the stomach goes GAGA after a person eats, and after a man ejaculates (mindyou I am no urologist so I am speaking more from personal experance for that one).

And. Likewise. I had to go like a freaking wolf chasing after a rabbit. Bad. BADLY. Bowel movement AHOY.

As soon as he started muttering more stuff after he started like creepy stuff and offensive stuff to me I did it. Example: “Oh baby, baby! I am going to make you limp out of here. I am gunna destroy you and make you my *****.” etc -.-;

I litterally sat down with full weight (at the time I was maybe 210... cant remember. Lost the workout logs I had back then) and began to take a massive dump. Without mercy.


And when you eat 6 meals a day and all the other junk that goes with working out... you tend to take 10 minutes solid to fully unload a constant thick pipe. Or at least I do.... :S


He wound up moving around and trying to get out and etc and rofffl …

I still remember him squeealing like a pig under me. Nice making me your "*****", huh?


[YOUTUBE]3yO2BK73-nA[/YOUTUBE]


5-7 or w/e minutes later I was done and got up, took his shorts he had on that day, and grabbed my clothes and walked off.




I, ironically, never heard from the creep-ass-stalker again. Glad too. He prolly should be as well, that was a much nicer thing to do than the other alternatives my lawyer suggested.


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Now for those who didn't like this story... BLAME ANONYMOUS AND “COUNTERTROLL”.


I take absolutely NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT YOU DO/REACT.

And, if it makes it easier, pretend this is fake. That is Alente's suggestion to chuu.

 

You would put this in serious discussion.
I'm still giggling a bit.

 

-pretends this is fake-

 

If it can bring you into lawl tears... then what I did is definately epic. :3

 

If you had video, I would be in lawl tears.
:x

 

Oh man oh god oh man oh god....puddi puddi

 

This is.. pretty messed up. Why must you always talk about your 10 minute long poops

 

Oh.... Oh god.... OH GOD

 

LOL if only.

My oh my... I don't evne think I could watch the video. I'd be on the floor!


Everyone who has been stalked, creeped on, etc wants to do this. Issue is I actually have the gall TO DO IT.

 

Oh god why did i have to read it again

 

Me and anony just remembered I forgot to tell you and do this thread....


I, while doing this, pissed all over his bed and etc. LOL.

 

Oh god o-o Why do you have such bad experiences? x.x

 

It was the best o.o

Anyone that was stalked, creeped on, etc... would DEFINATELY like doing this. ESPECIALLY reading it.

Trust me, being stalked is horrible... x_x

 

Lol x.x And the part where you give him a chance, but he's just plain out creepy.. and perverted.. DD: Y he no realize dat' scary?

 

Noooooooo idea.

But I was actually thinking of not doing it and just walking away... but then he groped my ass and etc and I was like OH HELL NO YOU GO TO HELL NOW FREAK.

 

o.e... I fear for my College future.

 

Lol yeah... just stay away from people who look like they are in the frat.

It's not... good.

 

Oh god... Damn you! And I was eating shanghai rolls when I read that. I just lost my appetite. XD

 

Lmao and..

(smack) Don't be giving him ideas ... sheesh..

 

LMAO you rly posted this xD