The very real life of Kath

Yet another Useless Post

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As I'm always telling, If you dislike me, Don't like to read wall of texts nor to hear about anyone else's life, Just ignore this topic since That's exactly what it's gonna be.

Now, Let me start by telling you that I'm making this for some ppl to actually understand why I'm somehow like this in reallife, forums, ingame, and everywhere else.

I'm a huge fan of some famous Youtubers (juliansmith, RWJ,etc) and I once saw Siggas, making a post about his life. He made something like a timeline with everything that he's been thru, and he was completely honest about it. He never ommited anything and I can really say his life was hard.. I really do identify myself with him, not for having the exact same issues but for not having an easy life. Yet I'm still trying to overcome all my current issues and above all I'm tryng to be as kind as possible due to several reasons I'll explain later.

Let's Begin.. I guess.

My memory starts when I was around 3 years old.

I really wasn't happy nor sad about my life since I never knew the meaning of those words nor how those things felt.. Yet I could say I was somehow happy about my life. At kindergarden, I found it difficult to make friends due to the fact that I was always lonely somehow.. I remember having just 1 friend, Which I never saw again in my life really..

When I was 4 years old, My Mother divorced from my father, so I kinda had a shared custody, in which I spent weekdays with my mother whereas Weekends with my Father.
One day, My mother had a huge fight with my father /they were already divorced) since he kept me inside his hose and he wasn't going to release me for some apparent reason, Which made my mom to take care of myself alone from that point.

My mother was on her last year of Psicology and she had to leave her studies b/c of me.. She joined a church group (my mother is catholic and she always liked religion a lot) Where she met a guy, She started dating him and everything was fine at that point. I really didnt' have any problem with that since I was too young and also my mother had enough time to teach me 1st and 2nd grade stuff when I was 4..
When I was 5, My brother already had 10 years, and I remember my stepdad (the guy that was dating my mom) insultim him on a daily basis, he never got to hit him since my mother was around, And I always wondered how long it would take for that to happen to me.. So it actually did 1 month later.. Every single thing I did ended up in him yelling at me for no apparent reason.. I couldn't develop my own thoughts since everything I said was "retarded " to him, which made me quit expressing myself in many ways.

When I started elementary school, I remember getting hit by him every single time I made something wrong.. Even my homework, he actually hated me for not being "his daughter" or that's what I actually tought and still think.. I also couldn't do anything alone since he was always around to insult me or yell at me when I did anything it wasn't pleasant for him. I remember my mother one day bought me a bike and I really loved that day.. It actually meant I could ride it and meet the outside somehow.. I spent almost all the weekends riding it since It was far better than staying at home with that guy. I made some friends whgile doing so, but when I moved I lost them all and couldn't really met them again.

So we decided to move to some other town when I was around 8 years old, and started in a new shool in 3rd grade. I remember being shy to the point of not talking to anyone due to fear to get hurt or something.. Same things kept happening when it came to do my homework or even chat about something on dinner.. I couldn't really say anything without getting a "shut up" comment or at least a "you're wrong and you should stop saying stupid shit"..

At the age of 10, I started dressing up myself in Black, and listening to hardcore music. Ofc he didn't like that at all But my mother supported me on that meaning he couldn't do anything to change it. I still kept almos the same lifestyle. I didn't talk much with the kids in my school, and I focused on Studying.. Most of the kids though I was weird or something like that.. Yet I always tried to keep myself shut and never talk about my life at all..
I was also somehow poor at that point.. I never had enough money to buy anything I might wanted to.. The only thing I got was a small Fur unicorn I used to play with.. I remember it lasted only 2 months since a kid from my school ripped it apart with a sharp pencil for fun.. I cried the whole day.. Not b/c the fact of the unicorn itself..Mainly because I really appreciate the effort my mother had done to get me that thing and I was crying since I knew it costed a lot and someone just destroyed it in matter of a few seconds.

At the age of 11, My grandmother bought me and my Brother a SEGA Console.. That's when i started playing online games to avoid my real life and to create an illusionary world where I could play and not be bothered by anything.. I remember I used to play for hours.. and I even spent over 15 hours daily playing on weekends and holidays. Playing videogames meant an exit to my life.. to the insults to the issues I had.. everything disappeared when I was playing them.. Which actually made me love those games.
I remember my first SEGA Game was "Streets of Rage 3" and then I bought Mortal Kombat 2 along with Castlevania.

From ages 12 to 14 Nothign really happened apart from the same things.. I was always a grade A student yet really lazy when it came to homework. Yet he kept yelling and hitting me over anything, I remember once when I passed an exam with a B+, He got so mad that I didnt' get an A that he ended up breaking my face, literally.. I had to shop up to school with a Brown eye and my lip almost broken.. I always lied about that since I really didn't want anyone to find out that I got hit, so Noone really knew the actual reason I was like that.
I do remember crying every single day on the shower about my crappy life and begging to god to change it somehow, Yet I lost my faith on that since it almost never happened.

When I was 15, I started being a lil more social, I had some friends and since I liked girls I had pretty much a few girl friends around, I started a robotics project which was building a combat robot to fight in some sort of competition. and I had my first kiss and my first GF aswell.. I always tried to ignore my house probelms and since my stepdad started working on weekends I could just be happy at that time.
But everything came to an end one day when I went to an exposition with some of my "friends" and came a lil late to my house.. I dont' remember what really happened since I got hit that hard that I fell inconscious to the floor, The only thiing I remember is me being at the hospital with my mother and stepfather fighting.
At that point.. My mother shaved my head .. completely. and burnt all my black clothes and replaced them with othr stuff and made me wear them. Seems they were both mad at me for arriving late that day so I just had to follow those rules cos I never had anywhere else to stay.
This treatment kept being like that till I was 16.

16 years old: This is the point in which my life got totally fked up.
One day I met with my GF.. and My stepfather saw me.. He didn't know I liked girls so I had a fight once again with him and I left my house.. When I did he started "chasing" me across the street and he almost suffocated my by grabbing my neck.. I think I'll never forget the words he said to me: -"If I could kill you .. I'd have done it already, But your mother is always protecting you". I scaped from him, ran away and then got back home when he wasn't there.. I spent 2 hours crying to my mom w/o even telling her what happened.. and I actually never did.. I never had the guts to say her what he said to me.

In that year, I also started talking to my mom about my stuff i didn't knew about my childhood.
I found out that my Birth Father was Homosexual, and that was the reason my mother left him
I found out that they wanted to make an abortion both to me and my brother when my mother was pregnant but she refused to do so due to her catholicism belief.
I found out that my stepdad used to hit my mother often
And Above all I realised how my life was so far.. I literally criend every single day about my life begging to someone to fix this..

When I was about to be 17, My father had a fight with me in which I said "you're not my father so f*** you". He threw me to the floor and when he was about to hit my head, My brother punched him and threw him out of the house, My mother also saked him to leave and luckily he left the house.
But things never got better.. My mother started feeling sick.. and One day when she was going back from her job, She got hit by a car and died in that accident.
I really don't remember when I started to cry.. I always tought it was a dream or a joke.. I just didn't knew it was for real.. I just couldn't believe the only person I ever loved was dead.. I really couldn't cope with that at all .. I felt depressed for a long time and I stil ldo cry everytime I remember this.. I just can't help doing so.

From that point my Aunt took care of us..
My Brother finished his studies and started working in small jobs til lthe point that he built his own Bar. and they served there with a friend..
He's currently the owner of a Chain of Bars and Restaurants in Russia and France. But I hardly see him nowadays since my job requires me to travel a lot u.u

I finished my studies and started working at Teletech, an enterprise in which I'm still working at. as CEO Of the Language department in that place.

You already know my early life due to my other posts.

I have been diagnosed with Borderline Dissorder, Obsessive Compulsive manners, Antisocialism, Nihilism, Narcisism, Superiority Complex, and the list keeps going. Which is the reason I'm like this in real life and also ingame or anywhere that requires a social behaviour.
I still don't get why.. But sometimes I really felt good doing some stuff.. For instance here helping players when I was GM.. I don't know why but I was somehow happy.. Same as when I had my old legion and we always talked about random stuff.. They always made me smile or laugh at some comments.

I think it has something to do with feeling comfortable somewhere but I'm not completely sure.. But for example I might act cold and sometimes even retarded or nihilist about some things, Specially when it comes to meeting someone new or talking to someone I might not like completely for no apparent reason, Which makes me come to ask for a publid apology to all those I've trolled so far.. It wasn't really my intention and it's not my intention to flame not feel superior to others since I'm aware I'm not at all.

Well.. I do believe that some ppl might take my apologies for all I might have done till now.
And if someone wants to talk with me or do something, Feel free to ask my my E-Mail adress or Facebook name ~ I'd be glad to hear what you thinkg about all this and once again, Sorry for this wall of text. .But there isnt' any other way I could express my feelings.

Best Regards.
Katherine.

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Now your free and employed just look and live positively.

 

a twist of a life.... but never duel in the past...

from now on, take this day as a start of being independent individual...
view things positively no matter how the odds are against you...

set up the lifetime goals u want to achieve... entering the early days of being a young adult years is not that easy...

ALSO....
what you are doing on these years will be the sum up of your future...

the real good thing of being a young adult is that,
your the only one who's deciding your limitations and your boundaries of your life, career, love - life and many more....

leave those tearful past, and learned from it
and all the people who lay sh!t*** on you, forget them....

from now own...
enjoy your life....^_^v

-Crimsonfang

 

in my opinion you are one of the strongest girls i've ever seen !
ps;i'll add you on facebook, will have a little chat with you when i am free

 

Why ? .........

 

well my kid years was almost same and i got too ******* dad till i went to military and kicked his ass

 

Yeah lets make a timeline and our life will be so easy , aaaw yeah.
Hun i respect ya , but u aint the only one to have a ****ed up life , think of those who eat outta garbage cans and sleep in sewers , think of those who get to sell organs just to get food for their kids.
So yeah...think bout that and say ty for having a fking bed to sleep in. Say ty that u are not menthally challenged , say ty u get to eat a meal/day , say ty u dun have aids from a medical mistake , say ty u dun have cancer. Say ty for having a choice in life and last but not least , say ty u are alive.

 

This is quite heart breaking, it really is. But you certainly earned the title of 'iron lady'. Cause for real, I've seen how domestic stuff can go on and on, but you certainly got it on the edge, the reason why I believe you earned that kind of title is because you are still here and writing this to the entire forum which you absolutely did not have too, you faced one of life's most difficult challenges and still standing on two feet with a clear state of mind. I've known people who has taking all that negative feelings and placed it within their addiction of drug use, gang related cases or alcoholic abuse. You had a lot of hope inside you though, even if it may seem naked to the eye, it was there, something kept you going. Maybe it was the mother.

I don't pity what happen to you, since it is what made you 'aware' and we all need and will those moments but I am sorry to hear about what happened to your mother, that is a big lost. I'm proud of the fact you can open up to us like this, a lot of people can learn from what you wrote, and I'm very certain life will become quite brilliant, you got a strong heart and those harsh times will pay off in the future.

Take all that experience and negativity and make something positive about it, go in to creative writing because this was the best written post on this forum.

I'm quite happy but a bit sad to hear you're interested in girls only, I guess I got to move on the list. And I do like strong minded women too.

Good luck with life. Make the best of it.

 

I do hun.
I know ppl have way harder lives than mine..
But I'm just making this post, as mentioned, so that people really get why I act like I do almost always.

Thanks for the reply tho

 

I read all of this text.. and i have one question.

When did you loose your virginity?

 

seriously fanta........

 

Everyone on this forum and majority of 1st world users can do exactly as you've sated but yet we prefer to deny our problems and indulge ourselves into some kind of an activity and live in a state of a false utopia which will lead the self to be confused. This person took a step forward to what most people don't: A confession to the public but which the self will communicate more directly than any of us could. There is little to be thankful of being alive if life has little to offer which death itself could perhaps provide a better sanctuary.

We all who has a great health should be thankful and make the utmost of our short lives, especially because of the very types of people you have stated. Denying our problems and making nothing out ourselves is by most the biggest insult to those who wished they had the health we take for granted. Let's not compare our lives to others but understand their situations and become aware of our ​problems so we can develop a true, genuine happiness and not hide behind a false happiness earned by materialism that will not last.

 

i only one got eye on that on SEGA u could play online games?

 

It's hard, I know. But since that belongs to your past already, just forget about it, and be happy.

 

well kath i guess thats more i know now, you know u always have me as a friend <3

 

and i thought gamez users can't let me without words anymore

 

uncalled for seriously just because someone is going through something worse doesn't remove or numb the pain of your current situation and emotional trauma. and what your making it sound like is "o your life should have been worse off so you have the right to vent sorry not harsh enough" don't be so inconsiderate. we all go through our own level of hell and for me i'd rather be ****ing dirt poor and eating garbage then to loose my mother you can't put tragedies on a balance scale.

 

indeed everyone have dif scale of bad things

 

Thankes this.

 

as what daxxy said be thankful that your still alive .