Bore Doom

Once upon a time, there was a man and a woman. They weren't a couple, but they live together because rent are ****ing expensive. One day, the woman was planting a seed from a fruit she ate, and later that night she had an argument with the man over who's turn to sleep on the only bed in the house. The man lost the argument due to the woman's ability to spout the most illogical argument EVER, and the man was unable to comprehend it, much less counter it. Pissed, he walked out the door with a bottle of cheap beer, and realized it tasted like bull's pissed-- no one knows how did he know that-- but he tossed the beer across the dirt road and hit a hobo scavenging a trash can, effectively knocking the hobo out with his head in the can. The man turns around wondering what to do, and saw the gardening area used by the woman. He slowly walks towards the area while unzipping his pants, letting out something that seems to be a water hose... wait.. is that what i think it is? ARGH MY EYES--- *cough* anyway, he aimed his hose at the newly planted seed, showering the ground with his.. you know. Satisfied, the man walks back inside and threw himself onto the couch and doze off.

Next morning, the man was woken up by screeching and high pitched scream, and damn he knew who to blame. He pushed himself off the couch with a hair like goku-- sometimes, pillow hair DOES look awesome. sometimes.-- and proceed outside to the source of the screaming with his fist clenched, cranky and sleepy doesn't make a good combo. EVER. To his surprise however, the woman was kneeling on the ground like a shocked cheese victim, her dirt-covered hands cupping her gasping mouth staring at her newly planted seed thing. The man looked at what the woman was staring and realized that he ****ing pissed on it, and she will probably own him again after this. Terrified, he approached the woman slowly, attempting to apologize in a low soothing voice. However when he closed up to her, he saw at what she was really looking at, a vase filled with gold. The man fell to his knees, next to the woman and the dug-out hole, staring at the vase and it's shiny contents. "Quick! take it back into the house before anyone else sees this." The man ushered, not wanting to touch the vase himself because he knew he pissed on the spot in the previous night. But the woman doesn't know it, quickly picking the vase and few gold coins that fell out of the vase and quickly carrying it back inside.

The man follow suit and as he entered the house, he sees the woman pouring all the gold onto her body, and some kind of liquid--she thought it was rain water or something.-- comes out of the upside down vase, onto her chest. She didn't mind it at all, because she's covered in gold, shiny gold coins, rings, necklace, anything a girl could ever want from the jewelery store. The man gazed, awed at how quick she lost herself, and start discussing how they should split the gold they found, while his nose picked up a familiar scent, the scent of his piss, on her body and the gold. He knew he was right when he made her picked it up instead of him. But anyway, the woman already wore the jeweleries on her, the rings, necklaces, earrings, everything that she can wear, leaving only the coins. Heck if she had bustier tits she would probably stuffed the coins into her cleavage, thank god she's flat as a runway. The woman snapped at the man, claiming that she planted the seed and the golds sprouts from the same seed, which made the man gave her a weird look. Who in their right mind would think golds sprouts from seed? Even jack didn't get golds directly, instead he get a ****ing gigantic beanstalk to climb on. The woman snapped again, claiming it's all hers, she planted the seed, she gets the fruit, and in one swift motion he pulls the coins on the bed closer to her. Again, they started to argue, the man being logical saying that they should share it because the "seed" was planted in the house's garden, which means it's the property of the house owner, as in both of them-- as if he's going to let the landlord in on this. **** that.-- while she claimed "I planted the seed, I get the ****ing gold. It's MINE.".

The man was frustrated because his arguments fell onto deaf ears, while she spouts bullshit that usually found in fairy tales. Chicks and fairy tales, how ****ing typical. He raised his hand as if he planned to slap the *****, but stopped midway because he's terrified of urine, which is all over her, making her "invulnerable" to him. Then he realized that he can't touch the golds till she agreed to give it to him and somehow wash them first, but no~ The chick had to let all the shinies gets to her head. Frustrated, more than ever before, the man turned into SSJ3, his hair reaches the back of his knees, blond, and flaming aura all around his body. He stood up and aimed his right hand at her head while she cowers and apologize, only for him to ignore it and blast her to pieces with his energy ball. Buuuut that would be too easy, instead that was only his fantasy, and yeah obviously he fantasized about killing her. A lot. But his frustration wasn't a fantasy, and quickly he stormed out the place, planning to move away while leaving his shit behind. Don't ask me, I just wrote the story. But before he left, he turns to her and said one last good bye; "I ****ing pissed on them. Enjoy your golden shower *****!" and quickly storms off and disappear into the ... bright daylight.. This would have been easier to do if it's night time.. damn it..

The chick sat there, frozen, and start sniffing herself and found herself attempting to puke. She realized the smell, it was the smell of urine, all over her body, the jeweleries, everywhere.She panicked and wants to take the gold off so she can clean them, but she's too bothered by the smell that she can't bring herself to touch the jeweleries. She screamed and runs out the door, asking for help, and about the same time, a pair of cops was walking down the dirt road, and sees her frantically waving her hands and asking for help, and realized she's covered in gold. A woman with that many gold, in that area, it's weird. Then the cops remembered about a robbery two nights ago and quickly proceed to arrest her. They checked her house and found the vase, the gold coins, and quickly dragged her to the station for questioning, as they suspected her of robbing the jewelery store. Lets recap, the man had moved away for a better roommate, feeling good that the chick was covered in his piss, and the chick was charged of robbery and earned the nickname "Gold Piss Betty". Everyone else lives happily ever after.

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I'm just bored and i managed to kill 30-40 minutes by writing this. though i have no idea what it's about. oh well. >_>

 

I cant believe i actually read the whole thing = ="

dang..

 

send that to oprah. she will read it and give you a school, a hump back whale, and name the sun after you.

 

don't worry. i still can't believe i wrote the damn thing. XD

@death: but but D:

 

Not as long as my guide yet. Not bored enough, are we?

Lold at gold piss betty though

 

if you re-read the last paragraph, you'll see that it's tad rushed

my rice cooker dinged. you know the drill, eat first, write novel-length pointless post later.

 

that's long....

that will also subject to boredom..

wew...

 

I read fast, sir =O

And rice cooker.... UGH that reminds me of in highschool how my Japanese (he was a very large white man, teaching japanese) teacher was like always cooking rice for the super smart class (IB<me>/AP / whatever ppl wanna call it) and was like "here have it".


At the end of the year he was cooking rice and there wasn't enough water so he took his (backwashed) waterbottle and just dumped it into the rice cooker...

Oh dear god I think I puked D:

 

*is eating rice*
... thanks aegis. i knew you loved me. i shall remember you even after death do us apart...

 

I rofl'd.


The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 10 characters.

 

No problem, ever since then I have had no issue with any sort of dinnertime conversations. :3

 

Yeah, you just make people stop chewing on their food. XD


*edit*
anyway i'm going to try to save my appetite and finish this delicious rice and spicy chicken. >_>

 

Nay sir, if I was I would have to first backwash in my waterbottle and have your rice be swept away in the diluge of dirty water, saliva and amylase.

NINJA EDITOR :O!!!

I eat everything, so I'm cool with it. :3

 

Kind of reminds me of some of the stories I wrote in high school. I must say it was a very um interesting read

 

I just notice down to read it when I wake up... Gonna have something to do ^^

-sigh-