The Vocabulary of Sandwiches

Being a student I live on a diet mostly consisting of instant food, junk food, and sandwiches.

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Everybody knows sandwiches are one of the easiest most convenient foods to make when your stomach suddenly alerts you that you. need. food. NOW!!!! Everybody knows that there is an end.less list of ingredients that you can put on a sandwich from the more conventional ingredients like cheese, lettuce, jelly, lunch meats, and condiments to the more unusual ingredients such as chocolate sauce, fried rice, won tons, breakfast cereal, and clam chowder. Depending on the ingredients and preparation each sandwich has it’s own name: Reuben, PB&J, Grilled Cheese. What everybody does not know is that each sandwich, over time, takes on it’s own characteristics that give it it’s special and unique classification.


#1 “The Samich”

The Samich is the perfect sandwich. A pristine sandwich that will always hit the spot. Usually is slathered with very hearty ingredients like mayonnaise, bacon, avocados, a ridiculous number of cold cuts, tomatoes, etc. This sandwich will leave you begging for mercy. This sandwich is like an all-you-can-eat buffet punched you in the mouth.

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#2 “Butt-wich”

The butt-wich is simply a sandwich that is made with the heel of the bread. My grammpa used to tell me that the heel of the bread was the most nutritious part of the entire loaf because somehow the crust magicaly accumulated more vitamins and minerals then the rest of the bread. He also told me that eating the heel would make me taller. LIES GRAMPA!!! Unless there’s some way I would have been even shorter…

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#3 “The Double Butt-wich”

The double butt-wich is very similar to the butt-wich. The only differance is that there are two heels instead of one. Double magical crust nutrients!

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#4 “Double Inverted Butt-wich”

The double inverted butt-wich is the sneaky assasin of the sandwich world. From the ouside it looks like any other delicious sandwich when in reality, it is two heels! Flipped tasty side out this viper sandwich will bite your taste buds with the bitter shameful taste of heeeeeeeeeeel…

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#5 “The Shamwich”

The shamwich is the sandwich you make when you have an abudance of bread and a lack of of dressing. It consists of two very dry peices of bread and mabye a small smear of ingredients on the inside. The shamwich is only to be eaten in times of extreme desparation and always with a beverage that will compliment your slightly flavored slabs of bread. To eat the shamwich without a beverage is like licking salt off of wood and expecting your thirst to be quenched.

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#6 “The Shaftwich”

The shaftwich is one of the worst sandwiches you will ever eat. EVER! The usually happens by accident when the sandwich is dropped on the ground while it is still being made. You can make shaftwiches in a voluntary manner by putting dirt, rocks, or anything unpleasant that crunches or tastes bad and just shouldn’t be eaten by humans.

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#7 “The Sketchwich”

Hardly even recognizable as a sandwich is the sketchwich. The sketchwich is a sandwich that has been thrashed on so much that it doesn’t even look like a sandwich anymore. It’s like a squishy ball of gnarlyness. Sketchwiches are more edible than shaftwiches but eat with caution, due to their already deplorable condition age is hard to determine.

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#8 “The Frankenwich”

The Frankenwich is my personal favorite. Ingredients that aren’t meant to be eaten together. Anything and everything in the fridge can go on this sandwich and work. Ketchup and butter? Go for it. Fudge and sautéed mushrooms? Okay. Cheese with jelly? Tasty. All of it together on the same sandwich? SEEMS LEGIT D:<

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and last, the worst sandwich that can ever be eaten, EVER!


#9 “The Double Inverted Butt-Sham-Shaft-Sketchwich”

Two heels! Tasty side out! Filled with tooth grinding saaaaaand AND NOTHING ELSE!!!!!!! Is it soggy because it’s covered with water? It doesn’t have any jelly, YOU MAY NEVER KNOW!!!! The Double Inverted Butt-Sham-Shaft-Sketchwich is the Samich’s evil twin. It doesn’t even look safe. People look at the Double Inverted Butt-Sham-Shaft-Sketchwich and their brains doesn’t even recognize it as food. The Double Inverted Butt-Sham-Shaft-Sketchwich is a favorite of bullies and the bane of nerds. NEVER ATTEMPT TO EAT THIS SANDWICH!!!

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EVER!!!!
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^.^

asdkals

 

I nearly pee'd myself when reading this....

I usually have the sketchwitches.... XD!

My backpack is like the mashing trap of DEATH. XD

 

Everything I ever wanted to know about sandwiches and more! Quite funny! ^^

 

Just being bored D:

 

lolz.. i love this.. <3

 

I wonder what a “The Double Inverted Butt-Sham-Shaft-Sketchwich” mated with a "Sketchwich" mated with a "Frankenwich" Would look like.... :3 ;3

 

by the way i love sandwich,

 

My sketching skills r not nough to draw it D:

 

It would look like your face.

 

Double butt-witch! I love that sandwich. Always eat it in the morning,

 

This is glorious.

I normally make the double-butt-wich since I'm the only one in my family that will eat the ends of the bread loaf.