DLS? Not.. Maybe.

Right.
Yet Another Useless Post.


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  [*=left]Those who don't wanna hear about my life nor the issues I'm having, Please just leave now and avoid trolling over nothing please.

I'm back (?) not actually. I'm not sure if we can call it like that afterall.

I'm just here for my usual stuff.
Guess posting somewhere my toughts somehow make me feel released and remind me how things are actually.

Well.. Here I go.

After this months, My life hasn't really changed much, I keep the same, No friends, no family, nothing to do other than playing or maybe buying stuff someday. I got almost nothing to do.. I spend all my time bored and depressed b/c of how my life is going..
I tried to break my routine, trust me.. However nothing seems to change anything, It's always the same afterall. Having a job makes life routinary and I hate it.
Since we got tons of work I'm working from 8 am to almost 9 PM.. I barely got time to even breathe.

Friends: Still the same as always, Got no friends and those who actually pretend to be one end up being backstabbers or end up leaving when things become too complicated. I'm not pretending to have someone next to me for the rest of my life as a friend nor anything.. I'm only looking someone I can trust, someone I can tell about everything and he'd just listen to me and perhaps give me some advice fomr a different point of view.. but b/c the way I am and the issues I got, almost noone wants to even get close to me.. It's really depressing you know, to aknoledge that you can't have friends since you got a fked up life and some sort of social dissrder which ofc makes ppl wanna stay pretty far from me.
I do remember listening to the song "Don't get close" from Slipknot, and I used to love it.. Now I really can't be that antisocial anymore, I wish I could be like that once again, at least I wouldn't have this issues u.u
I'm not looking for someone to feel shame for me.. It's the last thing I want to. I'm just expressing the way I feel and this helps me to release all the frustration and sadness I got inside ):

Love life, well, Have u ever loved someone that much, that you'd literally have given it all for? If you do.. you'll understand me, It's the only person I've ever felt like that.. I don't fell in love really quick to be honest.. I find it hard to trust in people and even less to trust them my feelings and love.. I've dated for less than 2 years with that person, I literally loved her.. I could have done it everything for her.. But I found out that she never left.. that she actually lied to me to marry a guy. I couldn't believe it at first.. some ppl were rumoring it was true and I really couldn't stand the fact of it.. I cried so much every single day even if it was nothing more than a rumor.. And then, I found out it was really true, Her friend told me in person she was gonan do that.. My heart literally broke, I can't do anything other than cry and regret myself for being such a stupid person, I don't know why I let someone play with my emotions knowing that I'd be the only one which will end up hurt ): . I'm an idiot, I know.
And what's worse I got noone to talk about this nor how I feel about it.. since I never had friends, and even worse a best friend..

My job is doing great, I make a huge effort to look happy and enthusiastic about life there, since I wouldn't like others to see me as the emo girl in the office or w/e they might think about my attitude u.u . I get pretty well paid and else.. yet I got nothing to do with my money.. I just stay at ome every single day w/o doing anything just b/c I don'tsee a point in doing something. My life keeps falling apart no matter how hard I try to change it, I tried many.. many times to change it.. and never succeeded.. The issues I got inside my head are those you keep since you were a child, but you always kept them inside to try not to hurt nor scare others, But now I'm a gorn up woman and I really can't hold them anymore. I try my best and ofc I do suceed.. but in times when I'm alone at home, like this, I really can't.. I find myself crying over how pathetic and useless my life is.
I decided not to try to commit suicide ever again.. I ended up worse than if I had succeeded..

I really don't know what to do nor how to even try to get out of this situation.. I've done everything on my hands to fix it.. and never could..
Btw, I'm back playing here, even tho I'm just sutting around talking with the only one friend that's still around.. and waiting.. for something to happen..

I also don't even know what kind of response I'm looking for this.. I don't really expect much out of this..
It just helps me to relieve myself a little I guess...
Those who actually read this, Thanks.
Those who didn't.. well. I'm sure you got your reasons to avoid doing so.




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Raz, I'm really sorry you've had to go through all of that. Reading your post makes me really want to give you a hug. I'm in a six year relationship right now and I couldn't imagine what it would do to me if I found out he was lying to me and eventually going to leave me. Being heartbroken on top of feeling alone can almost destroy an individual, so good on you for staying strong.

I know we've never been entirely close, but if you need someone to talk to I'm still around. I may not be the person who can be there for you every day, but I'm here if you ever need someone to talk with.

(Alleviate/Azure)

 

I feel you. Like you I'm not that social. Although Im no antisocial, but I do have some few friends. Yet when Im with them, I can't talk. Its hard to insert some thoughts just to say you are belong. But I cant.

I am blessed of someone to love and who loves me in return, that's why I do not bother what others think for as long as that person is with me. I don't bother if I do not have the confidence to stand alone in a crowd b/c I believe in myself. I may not have the qualities to be a cheerful friend, but I have my loyalty to offer.

Just a piece of advice, hold on to that little great thing in your life. do not ever give up b/c someone out there might come to lift you up. smile everyday and be inspired. don't lose hope. k?

I hope this helped. hugs and kisses! :*

 

I think you are very brave to express all these thoughts and write them down "in public". You have my deepest respect !!!

 

Disregard female harlots; acquire currency.


Yodeladeedoooo, I'm outta here. Also, I'm pretty much in the same rut, so take comfort in knowing that there's another soul in misery out there.

 

stay strong as a spanish saying says there is no wrong that can last 100 years.

 

Find a work which will make you happy. There you will find people, make party. Drink much alco, make fun of, and be happy. You will always find someone who will talk with you, who will spend time with you =)

 

I normally don't share my deepest thoughts and feelings, but I kind of understand where you're coming from when I was reading about your love thing. I still haven't been able to quite move on, but what I do to keep myself from thinking that is just by going out with friends and do whatever I find that entertains me. Another thing you could do is get a membership at the nearest gym. Going to the gym is such a stress relief, especially when you feel so down and got so much anger built in you. You also could try seeing a therapist. The key is to keep your mind busy.

 

Pick up a hobby, such as photography its actually really relaxing when you feel this way or you could learn how to play the piano, write a poem, paint, or draw. Express these emotions don't leave them locked up inside you because its going to end up making you even worse. No-one's truly a friend once were all grown up because everyone's got a life to live a family to take care of and bills to pay, there really isn't much time for friends but yes I can agree with you its always nice to have some sort of figure we can trust. Life's always moving and it waits for no one don't lag behind because of some stressful and heart wrenching days dont dwell on the past because you can't undo the past. Move forward in life succeed, climb new heights, go explore, and you never know you just might actually find that special person some day. Don't say your life's the only life to seem melancholy because you aren't the only person that has to go through this we as humans just need to build the strength to be able to overcome these obstacles and i believe you can overcome these obstacles. I'd recommend blogging a good way of finding help, answers and or support.

 

I'm glad to read a post from you. I'd heard some mildly disturbing rumors through Lumiel, and seeing a post from you proved every one of them wrong. Hopefully you're in good health, as I do remember the last conversation we'd had wasn't all that well.

I've found that through life, there's always someone that'd be willing to listen to you. That there's always a light at the end to speak, and with hard work and a positive outlook (Which is alot harder to get than it seems) you'll find happiness in life. Oh, and despite popular belief, alcohol only makes it worse. I went down that road not that long ago myself.

I always did like talking with you, and if you'd ever need an ear that listens I'm almost always around in some form.

 

Hey gurl, that's just tearing my heart.

I'll pm you my mail where you can reach me everyday to talk.

Send me a shout there =)

ps: We can always burn that witch with fire! D:<

 

Well that doesn't help, but anyways...

 

Have you though on traveling?

 

just wanna let you know, I still have the same feeling about our friendship. may be you already forgot but I still remember our great moment, chilling out with legion mates, farming, pvp-ing etc. Being such a noob player is more fun back then (not saying that i iz pro rite now xD). We're not so close but I'm so happy to see you around. XXXXX

 

we're not close but..

here are some pics.. i just want you to know i treasured them, u were somehow quite different from other AMs ive met..







back then you said the same thing.. that you need someone to talk to.. i didn't really realized that you had some serious life issues and my replys were more like *omg this place so beautiful blah blah* but knw wut, i really find it very brave of u to discuss your personal life here and it's actually good for you to do so.. keeping to yourself these feelings won't help.. and i knw u knw that now so..

idk, seems to me you're still trying to.. it's the will that counts.. this is cliched but.. don't give up, life still has so much to offer.. you're not alone, they're just not as brave as you are now.