So, the other day I was at a gas station getting fuel for my truck and...

when I was inside a mother and her little girl come in and the mom ask her kid what she wants to eat. The kid starts yelling "CORN DOG! CORN DOG! I WANT A CORN DOG!" @Frix
@Dementa, @Kyle
The mother was about to make the order and I realized I just had to do my duty as a good citizen who looks out for the safety and well being of others and put a stop to this. So I yell out "DON'T!" And they look at me and I'm like "Don't get your kid that corn dog! Corn dogs are one of the worst and mostesterestest unhealthyieresterest foods of all time in the history of everything ever!" @Slyther
And the mom is like "What!?" and the girl is like "Mommy, I'm scared of the crazy guy? Why does he have a sword and is covered and blood?" And I'm like "It's ok sweetie, I'm covered in blood because I just killed a giant ogre that was rampaging around in the nearby forest and terrorizing the locals. That's also where the sword comes in. I'm also able to do that, because I don't eat uhealthy foods like corn dogs." "Now dear mother lady, please do your duty as a good parent and buy your kid something that's nutritional and healthy. Like a granola bar, which is only 60 cents and is way better than that 5 dollar corn dog that will taste like crap anyways because this is a gas station corn dog"

and the clerk is like "Beastie, stahp, you do this all the time" And I'm like "Bro, about every other day I buy a ton of fuel for my truck and also take the time to go out and hunt monsters that would love to eat you and your gas station place, so um yeah" and he's like "Sorry" and the mother lady is like "HOW DARE YOU! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY KID!" and I'm like "Ladymaamwoman, I have EVERY right to tell you how to raise my kid because it's in the constitution and our founding fathers and the brave armies of the Revolution fought and died for those rights, which include freedom of speech, so don't YOU dare try to take my freedom of speech away. Because THAT is something you have NO RIGHT to do."

"And as for the matter at hand, corn dogs are one of the most worstestestestererest foods ever because its a bunch of random animal parts and my random animal parts I mean random animal parts like bones, blood, pus, organs, maybe some feces, and other icky parts of the animals, preserved in sodium nitrate, which is a known carcinogen, and then coated in corn batter and deep fat fried to make it. Now if your plan is to make your kid have a heart attack before the age of ten, then you're doing a very good job, but I don't think that's what you want to do. At least I hope not"

And the little girl is like "mommy I dont want a corn dog anymore, the crazy guy with the sword and blood makes them sound really gross" and I'm like "They are gross kid, very gross and if you eat them you will get fat and sick and never be able to do awesome things like fight dragons and monters. Don't you want to to awesome things like fight dragons and monsters!?" and the kid is like "YEAAAAAAAHHHHH!!" And I'm like "Awesome!, here, have this granola bar on me. Nutritious and full of the healthy stuff" and then I toss the mother a granola bar, and walk out but the clerk is like "Beastie! You have to pay for the other granola bar" and I throw up a dollar and say "Here you go! Keep the change!"
R]
And then I keep my arm raised and make a fist and imagine the song "Don't you forget about me" is playing like in the end of the movie "The Breakfast Club" which I then realized was quite silly as that song is about love and stuff and this little story isn't about that, so I try to imagine something else and think of the gas station exploding, which I realized was even more ridiculous, because why would I help people and then want them to blow up? So I'm like "Meh, fuck it" and go back to imagining the song "Don't you forget about me" is playing as I walk out triumphant in this adventure and drive off to take a shower to wash off all the ogre blood.

 

OMG thats too long SupremeEmperorHeadGM, reading it will be like reading the forum rules dang

 

Spiderbear for president ~

 

I want a corn dog

 

I also kinda want one XD

 

Wat.

Okay.

 

I don't think you guys got the moral of this story. Reread the entire thing and try again.

 

.........................

 

You had so many gifs that I didn't even look at a single one. Faggot.

Get over it.


huehuehue

 

I still want a corn dog

 

I'll give you unlimited corn dogs if I get loot rights to your corpse and moniez after you die from a heart attack before you turn 25.

 

Deal......

 

Buuut im still hungry...And I want one XD

 

Then eat a granola bar.

 

.....Ok fine >.>

 

You can have MY corndog


huehuehuehuehue

 

That was good "reading at" story....... It wakes my senses and it implies truth...... Good citizenry!!!

You good guy Beastie!!!!!

 

The ogre was my wife.

 

can u reimburse me 30 secs of my life

 

ITS A TRAP!

I very good guy.

I was not aware that your wife was a MALE ogre. Please tell the story of how you met and fell in love.

I can reimburse 30 seconds but there is a process that you need to follow for doing so. There is a form that needs to be filled out and once done, you will need to send it in to the official form approval committee. They will look over it and if they accept, you will be sent a blue form to fill out. Fill it out and send it in to the official auxiliary committee of preapproving reimbursements. If they accept, then they will send you a pink form. This must also be filled out and sent in to the official committee of approving time reimbursements.

If they accept your request then they will send you a green form. Once you fill out the green form then you must send it in to the official committee for preapproving meetings with the time reimbursement board. If it is accepted, then you are almost done. A yellow form will be sent and you fill it out and send it to the official time reimbursement board. If they approve it, then they will send you a red form along with a time and address. This must be filled out and taken with you to meed the official time reimbursement board. The red form is to be given to the assistant at the door and if approved you get a meeting with the time reimbursement committee.

At the meeting, you must make your case and explain why you want your 30 seconds back, and what better way you will use them. Once you make your case, they will withdraw to the inner council to debate in private about whether to grant your request. This can take a few hours, but if they grant it then CONGRATULATIONS, you get the 30 seconds of your life back!