A Public Apology

Well...I don't even know where to start. This is not meant to be a "kiss ass" thread of some sort, but a genuine apology to ALL the people I've hurt. Looking back at how I acted, it wasn't a good look at ALL. It just makes feel disgusting to even think I said those things, (since when I was angry I don't even remember what's going on or what I said) As for me being an outcast? Who's fault is that? Mine. Because I made it seem like I was ALWAYS right about everything, always the best and ended up throwing insults to people in game and ESPECIALLY on forum. From losing some friends who even helped me because of this, I take FULL responsibility. I don't have time for drama anymore. I am facing my own demons as we ALL are, and me taking out my anger on the wrong people ended up putting me in a bad position. Before I played Gamez, I came from another game (can't say what game but if I can tell you privately if you want) where I was bullied and tormented for being gay, called ugly and speaking my opinion no matter what even made more people hate me. My opinion on certain things can be looked at as rude because the way I express it in my thinking process. But now I have learned to tweak my words in a way that isn't so rude. Even for those who have hurt me first, I still apologize to. When people hurt me first, I get a urge to say something apparently "better" to hurt their feelings even more. But I'm also forgetting something. They have feelings and they are a human being just like I am. This apology certainly doesn't dismiss what happened in the past, but I am hopeful it can mend some friendships that were once broken.

So..let's start
@Puddles and I were having a conversation about how I acted. Soon after, it just suddenly hit me all at once. All flash backs of people that I used to be friends with. All the hurt and betrayal that I caused. The reason for this? I push people away due to my past of being hurt a lot on that other game I told you about. I have trust issues, so when I delete people I don't mean it in a negative way it's just more so often I can't let anybody in. So people may view this as backstabbing. But honestly, if it weren't for this conversation that Puddles and I had, this thread would have not been possible. But Puddles I am sorry for disrespecting you in any way shape or form (some private things happened that I can not discuss) but it just made me open my eyes. Why did I take things so personal? Why couldn't I just leave it alone? And why did I have to get back at people who hurt me? To get even? But that would make me feel even worse, so what was the point of trying to hurt them back if they hurt me first? If the end result was the same, there was simply NO point. So, I thank you beyond because you were the ONLY person who has made me realize my true potential. Now I have the ability to remain control, to help people, to not get jealous when someone kills me in pvp (lmao that happened so many times), to be a calm humble person. @Dementa I have to give credits too also. We discussed personal things and had somewhat long conversations, but I REALLY have to give it to these two. From saying Ily to the worst S.mod, it was crazy and funny to look back on. But I overall enjoy your criticism because it has made me a better person. @lisveth and I talked for a bit also, and seeing how amazingly nice she was made me realize - why can't I be like that? A person that everyone enjoys being around because of such a lovely personality. Who helps Luminel which I also plan to do with her in the near future. Truth is, I could not make it without them. I love you guys. Now for the other apologies (sorry for the long paragraph, lol)

@Louy I never realized how much I have hurt you by calling you a rat and making fun of what you and your boyfriend look like. Was I jealous? Yes. Why? Because you were happy and inside I was miserable due to my past relationship problems, but I am glad we have that friendship again as you have helped me in game and to become a better songweaver and also gave me that +5 mb elyos plume as a gift, which I also very much appreciate.

@vesiinabox I know you may think I am a hypocrite, truth is I don't realize what I do when I'm angry. It just all happens. Then I'm like - why do people hate or dislike me? I sent you long nasty insulting PMs, made fun of your job (when I don't even have one btw) and called you a p2w player, yet I myself have also donated. So I can see where you're coming from. I look up to you as an EPIC sw pvper, and I wanted to be just like you - fast attack speed, hard dps. But with skill also comes from the heart as well which can make someone so good. You had all those traits, and honestly you and @Dimitra have made the SW that I am today. And I took that for granted. So for that, I am sorry.

@Dimitra I had NO right to talk down on your relationship or base rumors off what I heard and use it against you. That was NONE of my business. All that matters is that you're happy. Nothing else. One thing you said was that I was becoming bitter, and you were right. That was SO true. You also helped me open my eyes and realize it wasn't just all about me. You helped me with keybinds, and combo skills (ethan did too btw) so I GREATLY appreciate that. I know you are an AMAZING person as we are both very outspoken at times. I learned to control that "sassy" side out of me and to pick my battles. You are like my mentor, and the girl version of me (as cheesy as the sounds lol). We think alike in a lot of similar ways. Thank you very much. I wish people would see that side of you more often.

@Purell I too am also sorry for talking down on Dimi when I had no right to do so. Or believe any of those rumors. You are an amazing glad and you defend Dimi to the fullest (which shows true and honest loyalty). You also play temp very well and even though I don't know you very well, I know that having loyalty and heart are very positive traits to have.

@dacoxxx We had an interesting friendship. We had personal conversations, and told each other things that we normally wouldn't tell people. But I believe an argument happened with Wooden. And for that I am sorry also as that was a little over the top. If you wanna talk more in game, send me a pm and we can.

@Gravity I remember getting mad at you for kicking my ass in Mix whenever you killed me while I was farming manastones LOL. I talked about personal things that I should of not done (you did too, but its whatever at this point) We had somewhat a love hate relationship, from me endlessly reporting you and sensational for stupid things, to joking for like 2 hours in sanctum while spamming laugh emote. You sure are a funny guy. Sensational makes me laugh a lot. So I am sorry also.

@Akihaz I don't know you that well, but I know you defend your friends to the fullest by any means. I defend my friends too, but I did go over board and it wasn't my place to even say anything. But that is one trait I admire from you - brotherhood.

@Tesseract Well I met you from Touch Me legion and then a screenshot was leaked of what I said about ethan and we sort of went downhill from there. Then I called you and Legend "zergers" in the 2v2 FFA event video I recorded. But realistically it was just strategy and honestly if it were myself vs. myself I would of done the same thing LOL. From calling you "weak cleric" and all, I am sorry. But you have to admit, some things you said about me were mean also D: But it's over so it doesn't matter. It was fun pvping with you in Mix and how you would yell and say stick together whenever I would chase asmos xD.

@Stabbalot I think you are a great sin (since you practically beat me everytime, where as I only won like 2 times max xD) and I do regret calling you a pot/weed head. And your <u n k n ow n> legion I was in for quite some time and that's when I started distancing myself from people which led to me leaving the legion permanently. So I do apologize for that. You are a great mentor for Wardian and you are very generous to give him your gear and teach him. Speaking of Wardian, I appreciate him trying to mend our friendship. Sins are op and can always beat me xD. You and Wardian also have a funny personality which a lot of people seem to enjoy.

@smallfries I met you on Luminel with my chanter asmo named Persistent. There, you trained me and we moved to Siel together. I am sorry for whatever happened with the legion and not appreciating you as my mentor. It really means a lot. I loved how all 3 of us (you me and @badomen7) would go to Tia eye and it'd just be incredibly fun starting tia eye wars with asmos xD I really miss that.


Well these are all of the people I can think of for now that I have hurt the most. But regardless of the people tagged, I am sorry to everyone who I may have disrespected in some way. If you do not wish to forgive me, maybe you can in the future. I am done with drama. Why? I have my own demons to deal with and I cannot focus on anyone else at this point.
Thanks guys.

 

u're have big heart to say sorry. awesome

 

I'm at your side @QueenSydney........ You will always by my BEST EVAH SW... <3

Keep it up and be always happy....

 

Why isn't there @Destiny mentioned in your wall of text D:? So mean singling me out like that (even tho i don't know you). Anyway, didn't read it, but I hope ppl will find a way to forgive you for w/e you did to them (looking at you Dacox weakling). Have a nice day.

 

Well honestly I didn't read everything but I guess this must be something big for you. I don't know you or what you did but I did hear some not so good things about you from friends. Anyway, I'm just gonna leave this message given to me by none other than @Momo

"This is the internet, do what I do, "don't give a fuck.""

Simple message but hey, did wonders for me against them troll ass people out there.

So good luck to you and I can assure you that some of the people you mentioned up there are nice people once you get to know them.

Don't deal with this nigga here @Purell he gon sell you to da Police. LMAO

 

I'm glad that you finally came to the realization.

 

..............................

 

You know last time you came to me and started arguing with me I told you one thing: As soon as you realize what you're doing you should stop it instead of allowing yourself to acquire more and more and more haters over time. You don't wanna end up like Dimi.

Other than that; I do appreciate your apology but I will leave this here: I wish you the best in life and hope you have fun in Gamez and make many good friends but like I said in the last message I sent you, I will stay away. I am at a point in my life where I don't really care about that particular drama anymore and I feel like if I keep coming back to you it will just bite me in the ass again and hear stupid things like "you cheated on Purell" which aren't even true.

So, I'm glad you apologized and I hope all the people you hurt decide to stop hurting you too, but I will stay neutral.
Take care.

 

Atleast you realized<3

 

Love how i'm not even included.

 

Sorry I forgot to tag you V:...But if it makes you feel any better:

 

Roses are red.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry,
I'll be there too.
Not in the cage,
But laughing at you.


~ George strikes again with the jokes

 

Yo momma so fat.. I don't have a punchline.. that's all.

 

that`s why im always on your side XD

 

Your momma is so ugly she made One Direction go another direction.

 

Well, thank god for that. One Direction is shit. (sorry Queen ;3)

 

LMAO oh my god I dont even like 1D, Trent is my crush of all time <3 fr though

 

Now hug and kiss! >:

 

Trust me I would LOVE to so bad he's the cutest little booger I've ever seen. What a hairy gorilla indeed V:

turns into Kim kardashian

 

Good for you dude.
Hope you stick with that attitude.